I've Been Here Before

This past Sunday I made the absolute worst loaf of bread I have ever made. Garbage, trash! It started with my ingredients: impatience, ignorance, recklessness, and, worst of all, a great heap of frustration. So much frustration. About where I am, what I'm doing, what I'm not doing, and so many other conflicts. So much frustration.
I couldn't get the texture of the dough right. Started off too wet, then made it too dry and worked it too much to get it back to where I wanted it. And two days ago I made possibly the best dough I had ever made. It was for a pizza, and it was nothing short of incredible. And now what's wrong with me? I can't make a stupid, measly loaf of bread!
Usually slamming an amorphous blob repeatedly against a slab of granite is the best stress-reliever you could imagine, but when even that doesn't work right, it's downright infuriating. I had to walk away from it twice before I could even fold the ball to rest. My frustration had grown and fermented and bubbled and filled the dough. It was like a yeast weed, smothering out the good.

Turns out, impatience makes a poor flour, recklessness is no substitute for water, ignorance brings nothing to bread, and frustration ferments and festers like an infection. The loaf's crust separated from the body, bubbled, and blackened. The inside was gummy and terribly undercooked. What I put in was what I got out.

My consolation? I've been here before. Years ago. It was when I was taking piano lessons. The same thing would happen; I'd sit down to play, and nothing was right. I was impatient, careless, and frustrated, and the music showed it. Dark, jagged sounds–terrible sounds–came out, and it was infuriating! I hated piano, and the frustration festered until I couldn't take it anymore. But a couple days later (or sometimes hours), I'd go back after having cleared my head, and I worked my way back into playing. Slipped myself back into those cool, calming sounds, and back into where I loved be. And eventually, I got really, really good.
So I'm ok with having been frustrated. I know it's part of the process of practice, and it feels good to know it just comes with getting better–that I've been here before, and I'm on the way to where I want to be :)